Psychology


12
Mar 13

Curing the Lie of the Big Win (and the Big Fail)

We’re surrounded by the stories — the mytharc, if you will — of The Big Win. (Also the Big Fail.) “Twitter succeeded because…” “I failed because…”

I’m here to tell you: That’s largely a load of crap.

If you want to know why — and if you want to know how I succeed at so many things people said would never work — you want to watch this video. It’s short (12 minutes) and it’s awesome.

It’s nominally about habits, but it’s really about the stories we tell ourselves, and why they make us fail.

(PS — this is a lesson straight outta the new 30×500. Why am I giving it away for free? Because everybody needs it.)


Did you recognize yourself in this video? Did you spot stories that you hear every day?

If so, you have three things to do right now:

  1. Rush out and buy The Power of Habit. And actually read it. And take notes. Seriously. This book is worth every single penny and every single moment you will spend devouring it.
  2. Drop your email in the box below, because I will be sending out the next video (and other awesome free content) and you really don’t want to miss out.
  3. Try the assignment: dechunk 3 of your every day routines. Then leave your instructions for a day or two, and read them. Try to follow them. See all the stuff you left out. Oops! This is the stuff that habits growth is made out of.

Get the next video in this series for free, straight to your inbox:


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27
Sep 12

Perspective.

Seems like most of my best writing goes to the 30×500 Alumni mailing list these days. Including this little bit below.

One of my brilliant (and particularly sesquipedalian) students was talking about the way that pedestrian thinking tends to exert inexorable drag on humanity:

Wordy Student: Just a zooming out sub specie aeternitatis observation: certain things feel like defying gravity. Ben Franklin’s homilies, Dale Carnegie, Kathy Sierra: If not for reminders and exhortations from the likes of them, people drift into a solipsistic shithole. I can’t imagine this to be the default setting — must be the times.

I used to think that way, too, but I don’t any more.

Is it the times? Nah.

It is the default setting… and it’s not really a bad thing. Think about it:

We are animals who think. We evolved to achieve certain biological goals. Most people don’t need to think big thoughts to survive and reproduce… more importantly, you don’t even need to have big goals / think big thoughts to be a good person, a loving friend and family member, a valuable member of the community.

While some of us love to think big thoughts and do big things, it is the exception and if we’re not careful, it can come at a cost to those other good, valuable, desirable things.

(Which, of course, is a huge reason why I’m a proponent of slow, bootstrapped, ownership- and value-based businesses: they don’t put your biz growth in conflict with your users or your family or your ethics.)

Sometimes I think we smartypantses walk around expecting to be given a delicious cookie by The Universe as reward for thinking deep thoughts and soaring above the teeming masses on fluffy intellectual wings.

There’s no point in deep thinking, though, if it isn’t its own reward, if it isn’t helping us & those we love to be happier.

Maybe it’s better to be Socrates, dissatisfied, than a happy pig in shit, but when it comes to being Smartypants, dissatisfied, as opposed to Perspective Girl, satisfied? I don’t buy it, Mr. Mill.


19
Aug 12

Parenting Yourself: You Suck At It?

Context for the quote below: the “both situations” are a parent who tells a child “You must do your homework,” and a parent who sits down and takes on an equal role as the child.

In both situations parents are using control, in the first case behavioral (sit down, do your math) and in the second psychological (“we’re applying.”) It is psychological control that carries with it a textbook’s worth of damage to a child’s developing identity. If pushing, direction, motivation and reward always come from the outside, the child never has the opportunity to craft an inside.

Raising Successful Children, NYT

Wordsworth wrote, more or less, that the child fathers the man.

My own experience is more that we have to parent ourselves, since nobody else seems to be doing the job. Certainly we are our own gatekeepers, since we are always the first to rubber-stamp our own excuses.

I think pretty much my entire blacksmithing essay is about the staggeringly awful results of pushing, direction, motivation and reward always coming from the outside, and the internal emptiness & spoiled brat stompy-ness that results.

And when all that drama results in not achieving what we (claim to) want? What then?

A loving parent is warm, willing to set limits and unwilling to breach a child’s psychological boundaries by invoking shame or guilt. Parents must acknowledge their own anxiety.

Raising Successful Children, NYT

So.

Which type of control — behavior, or psychological — do you apply to yourself?

Do you invoke shame and guilt?

Do you parent yourself badly?

We tend to do to ourselves what others once did to us. Which obviously didn’t work all that great, or we wouldn’t be here discussing it.

Time for a program change, perhaps.


13
Aug 12

Why Blacksmiths are Better at Startups than You

Blacksmithing

Translations: русский язык

There’s a great show called Mastercrafts, a mini-series documentary from the BBC. I recommend you go out and find a way to watch it, right now.

Mastercrafts is all about — surprise! — master crafts:

  • blacksmithing
  • stonemasonry
  • thatching
  • hand weaving
  • stained glass
  • green wood furniture-making

Trades we barely even think about today; obsolete, cottage industries.

Nevertheless, there are still people who dream of learning these trades, and that’s where Mastercrafts comes in. Each episode follows the trials & triumphs of 3 would-be students during an intense 6-week course at the hands of a master craftsman.

I’ve watched the series twice, and loved it both times. Because it turns out that learning to work iron and weave by hand are perfect corollaries to founding a startup.

Whoever cast the shows did a fantastic job. Each episode features a great mix of student personalities. And because it’s a kind of reality show — although a very refined, smoking-jacket-wearing reality show — those personalities are brought to the fore. All the while the students are shaping stone, hanging thatch, cutting class, spinning wood on a foot-operated lathe in a tent, or hammering hot iron, they’re being aggressively human. We see their best sides… and their worst.

Every flaw you’ll ever see in a “startup founder,” you’ll see play out in Mastercrafts. And if you sit & watch the whole series in one or two sittings, the patterns will leap out at you.

Green Wood

Bad behavior you’ll recognize

Here are some of the personality flaws I’ve spotted:

Several students in different episodes are obsessed with “expressing themselves” instead of following the brief (the job specification). They waste precious time in “creative” noodling instead of actually getting shit done.

Others indulge themselves in childish boredom and rebellion when it comes to the repetition of early stages of learning, instead of committing to the basics with all their hearts.

Several more wield perfectionism as a weapon against their own achievement… a weapon, and an excuse.

Several show a great deal of self-importance, unwarranted — they talk themselves up, they expect they’ll win, they treat the advice of the master as irrelevant, or they crumble at the slightest criticism.

Others engage in bitter self-denigration, unwarranted — fatalistically wailing, “I’ll never be able to do this,” when experiencing the simplest of setbacks. They want to throw in the towel at the first bump. And the second. And the third.

Finally, and perhaps most fatally, many of the students seem to have zero patience whatsoever. They expect to jump straight to results, straight to the fun stuff — the creative stuff. They don’t want to put in their dues. They think they’re special. So they stamp their foot petulantly when their shortcuts fail.

These students claim to want to master a craft, but they resist the very nature of “craftsmanship.” Even though, to even get the apprenticeship, they had to apply and interview and disrupt their lives for 6 weeks or more!

Thatching

Wait? So the show sucks?

I’m sure I’m making the show sound like a kind of horror parade of bitchiness, but nothing could be further from the truth! All but a few of these divas are transformed over 6 weeks by the simple, honest, difficult work, and the rewards of making something real.

They find themselves achieving extraordinary things… just as soon as they decide to get over their crap.

This transformation is wonderful to watch. It’s LIFE.

And because it’s life — because, if you watch it, you’ll recognize your coworkers, your friends, and probably yourself — we can’t help but ask…

Why? Why is this the universal experience?

This is something I’ve spent half a lifetime pondering. Here’s my conclusion, in progress.

The reason the students resist the process every step of the way is because their entire self-concept is at risk:

They’ve never worked in an environment where results are all that matters. They’ve been coddled by parents, the school system, and their bosses. Their work is abstract; they rarely if ever see the end product of their work in use, they rarely if ever meet anyone who uses the product of their work in its final form.

Until now, they’ve always worked for approval, abstracted from results: the question has always been, Is this the answer the teacher wants? or Did the committee like it?not Is it true? and Did it help the customer?

It’s as if Galileo dropped his ball and feather from the top of the tower and, as they fell, sought to convince his audience by argument instead of simply looking.

This is the way most of us grow up to live, learn, and work. And it’s toxic.

Spoiled children

Have you ever engaged with a truly spoiled child?

It’s tempting to think of spoiled children as cold, calculating brats, calmly deploying tantrums as tools of manipulation. But if you’ve ever been a spoiled child, you’ll know this is far from the truth. When a spoiled child doesn’t get what he wants, he feels like the world is spinning completely out of control. He is a victim of his emotions (and he really feels as badly as he acts).

A spoiled child literally can’t cope with the reality where things don’t happen the way he expects. He’s held prisoner by his feelings.

NewImage

And a coddled child literally can’t cope when his excuses don’t work.

When the world fails to deliver the expected result to a spoiled child, or a coddled child, they feel like their world is ending. Their egos react accordingly, to force external change, to protect their mental model of the universe.

Sound familiar?

When you live and work in an insulated life — divorced from the end result of your work — you are spoiled. You’re graded more on your ability to please and manage gatekeepers than your work product. Gatekeepers are human; humans can be persuaded to accept excuses. That doesn’t apply to me. I know, but. I’m not good at that. What I really want to do is. The client said. I tried my best.

Find yourself dropped into a reality-driven environment and blam! Your carefully groomed gatekeeper skills are useless. Your ego is at risk. And it fights back.

thatching 2

Stone doesn’t care if you’ve had a hard day. Iron won’t stay hotter longer just because you’re feeling hesitant with the hammer. If you don’t get your thatch right, it will leak, and that’s that. There’s no room for error.

It must feel terrifying.

Ah, you might be thinking, but in Mastercrafts, these students are being taught & graded by a master. The master is a human. They are trying to please the master. The master is a gatekeeper, right? The master will accept excuses.

In theory, yes. But in reality? Not these masters. There’s nothing more pragmatic than a blacksmith or thatcher in 2012. They’re pragmatic because they would never survive if they weren’t.

These masters know the score. They know they serve reality and no higher authority. They know reality can’t be denied. Whether that reality is the one where the fabric is flawed, the stone doesn’t measure level, the chair breaks, or the client won’t pay… their feelings don’t matter, their excuses won’t hold, and no amount of belief in their unique value will change that.

As the master blacksmith said, when the customer asks for “10 more of these” they’re going to be bloody upset when you come back with a newer, creative design and say “But this was more fun to make.” And then you don’t get paid.

This is the 21st century condition in a nutshell: We are abstracted people living abstracted lives. We don’t know how to live any other way. When we find ourselves suddenly butting up against hard, disintermediated reality, our egos cry out like spoiled children, and kick and scream and pitch fits.

That’s what happens when these abstracted people arrive in the workshops of the master craftswoman on Day 1, thinking,

“Gee, I work with fabric a lot. I could totally weave by hand on a loom. People hundreds of years ago did it. How hard could it be?”

The answer, of course, is incredibly fucking hard. Mindnumbingly hard. Weaving is like playing a pipe organ only with the opportunity to break and snap and knot and twist. Make a mistake, and there goes hours — maybe days! — of configuration alone.

NewImage

Mastering a craft is HARD. It’s HARD, and their spoiled little inner brats thought it’d be easy. No wonder they rebel. No wonder they indulge their “perfectionism” or chafe bitterly at boredom.

It’s this same attitude which leads you to abandon your project at the first sign of trouble. The same attitude which causes you to noodle endlessly on features. To delay marketing; to believe that if you build it, they will come. Or, hell, to ever build it or ship it at all. To seek feedback from your peers instead of your customers… to spend more time catering to venture capitalists than the people who’ll pay for your product. To lavish your energy on “innovating” instead of mastering the basics.

Infinitely more endeavors have failed due to childish misbehavior than due to the market, the economy, the customers, or the competition.

Business is a reality engine:

Don’t work on the basics every day? You’ll fail.

Don’t market constantly? You’ll fail.

Don’t solve your customer’s pains? You’ll fail.

Don’t ship? Ha!

There you go: business in four sentences.

Business is truly a mastercraft. Attack it rigorously, honestly, and openly — and commit to mastering your spoiled inner child — and oh! the places you’ll go. Reality will become your fondest friend. Your driving questions will evolve from Does this make me sound smart? to Does this motivate a customer to buy? — from Gee, what do I feel like doing today? to How will I make my customers’ lives better today?

You’ll make things with your hands and your brain that will help people, people you get to meet, to talk to, to learn from. And you will feel rewarded.

Forging Metal

If you’re not in it for the long haul, though, don’t bother. If you’re too special to practice the basics, don’t bother. If you’d rather feel validated than achieve a result, don’t bother. If you’d rather defend the status quo than grow, give up now.

That is the decision you’ll face every day:

Do you just want to splash about in the kiddie pool and rebel at the first sign of seriousness…

Or do you want to craft a real business and a real life, with reality as your favorite ally? Do you want to surprise yourself with how much you can achieve?

Do you have what it takes to become a master craftsman?

NewImage

UPDATE: This is what you’ll learn in 30×500!

The philosophy and practice of craftsmanship doesn’t come out of nowhere — it comes from being around the right people, learning the right things, in the right environment, and practice, practice, practice. It’s almost impossible to do it alone.

That’s why I teach 30×500, a product launch class. If you’re a designer, developer, or writer, and you want to run your own business & create the kind of personal and financial freedom you desire, you should check it out.

Learn how I built my product business to over $500,000 a year in revenue, and about how I can help you learn & develop the skills you need to create your business with a craftsmanlike attitude.

NOTE: Applications open on Friday Sept 21st. There are only 75 seats available & it always sells out (this will be the 6th edition!).

Drop your email in the box below for free lessons and a chance to grab a seat for yourself:


Funmail Guarantee: Obv there’s no obligation whatsoever. You can unsubscribe at any time. And I promise to send you nothing but information on the class, free goodies, stories, samples and discounts and awesome stuff like that!


20
Jun 12

Do You Deserve the Money You Earn?

NewImage

You’re in a job. You’re a freelancer. You’re a consultant. Maybe you’re stuck right now, maybe you’re not stuck — you’re excited to take the next step, you just don’t know which next step that is.

Well, you’re in luck, because you’re here! This is your next step:

Practice thinking like an entrepreneur.

That means thinking about value. That means reasoning from knowledge about the other guy in any transaction, not wishing about what you want. Believe it or not, this is the hardest thing about being an entrepreneur and it’ll take you lots of practice before you get it.

Ready? Here we go:

Do you pay your bills with a salary or hourly rate? Great. How do you earn it?

Seriously, now. Take a moment and answer that question in your head. Better yet, say it out loud. It’s cool, I’ll wait.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Did you answer, “Well I program abc” or “I design xyz” or “I write jkl”? If so, you’re not alone — and if so, that’s exactly the attitude you have to fix.

So, yeah. You go to work and you do stuff. Maybe you even produce stuff.

That’s great and all, but how does that turn into money?

Even in something as simple & seemingly un-entrepreneurial as full-time employment, there are important, entrepreneurial questions we almost never ask:

  • Why do you deserve the money you make?
  • Where does that number come from?
  • Why do people give it to you?
  • How on earth did you get that number?
  • How can you keep it going?
  • How can you make it go up?

These questions aren’t actually hard, but they’re harder than not questioning at all, which is why you rarely hear them in conversation… and why you haven’t really asked them of yourself.

Despite our incredible powers of higher reasoning, we act like rats in a Skinner box:

Press the lever, get the reward. Go to work, type code, push pixels, turn letters into words into sentences, get paid.

Like rats, we just about never raise our heads and consider the bigger picture. Hey, lever! Hey, food! Where’s that food come from? Sorry, too busy chewing. Hey, lever!

How much should we charge? Well, how much do other people with similar skill sets earn? They earn that much? That’s great, I want that much.

Ratty stimulus-response at work. And rats? Not known for creating business empires.

So, where does your money actually come from? And why?

Don’t be a rat. Think about it.


14
Dec 11

Dealing with the Emotional Turbulence of your Launch

Guest Post header template

The voices in my head have reached a fever pitch. It must be launch time.

Launching is an emotional game.

It’s so easy to construct elaborate stories about how this or that detail will lead to terrible failure or runaway success. It’s constant. Fully detailed worlds erected by nothing but imagination.

I’m in the midst of launching Hiring Gold. Hiring Gold is an infoproduct that teaches founders & small business owners an 8-week system for hiring awesome people.

My official ship date is December 19th.

It feels like I’ve been working on this forever, but it’s been about four months in reality.

Self-Sabotage, the Launcher’s Lament

I’m confident that Hiring Gold is a great product. I know it works because it’s a process I’ve used a bazillion times.

And yet… I keep sabotaging my progress. It’s like I have a secret hope for failure so I can go back to my humdrum existence!

Here’s an example of a boneheaded thing I did last week. I nearly published a landing page written in the “royal we.”

You know that thing, when micro-business owners try to pretend they’re bigger by saying “we”? I almost pulled that douchebaggy move myself. “We” did this and “we” did that, so listen to “us.”

I’m embarrassed to even mention this. I don’t know what I was thinking. My business is me. It’s just a lie to make it seem like anything different.

And here’s where I have to thank Amy for pointing out the big giant unicorn in the room. This is what she wrote to me:

Little companies don’t get anywhere by pretending to be big companies. There’s little worse than deciding to go with a little guy only to be treated as if you were going with a big guy…impersonal language, posturing, etc.

Most people WANT to buy from people they can know and understand. So by shielding yourself behind fake “we” you are undermining your message.

And you know what? She’s right. I KNOW this.

I wasn’t thinking, after all. That poor decision I almost made? ALL ABOUT FEAR.

Fear of taking the full responsibility for what I’m putting out into the world. Fear of the failure or success of Hiring Gold being on my shoulders alone. Fear of letting people down. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of playing too small.

The Lizard Brain at Work

This is why launching is such an emotional game.

It’s so easy to construct elaborate stories about how this or that detail will lead to terrible failure or runaway success. Fully detailed worlds erected by nothing but imagination.

When you’re pinning your livelihood on a product, the lizard brain rears its ugly head. The lizard brain pleads for the safer option. It tells you to forget all this launch stuff and go take a nap.

But then where would you be? Without a launch. Without a product. Without a business.

A Plea for Balance

I’m learning that the trick to keeping an even keel is keeping those conversations with myself to a murmur.

Here are three things that are keeping me sane, tips I have to repeat to myself:

  1. Persevere. It sounds simple but just keep going. Don’t abandon your product. You’ll want to stop and go hide in a hole somewhere at least once a week. Be methodical about ticking off small to-dos, one at a time, and keep going even when you really really REALLY don’t want to.
  2. Keep good people around. Value people who tell you the truth (like Amy). Keep them close throughout the launch process. Having people you trust who are forthcoming (even if it hurts) helps to prevent self-sabotage and will hold you accountable. As soon as you tell others your plans, it is exponentially more likely that they’ll actually get done.
  3. Ignore the muck. Know that all the emotional stuff flying around your brain is just that: stuff. It’s meaningless. What matters is the doing. Getting your product out there will be different than any scenario you can imagine, good or bad, so put a cap on the dreams and get to work on your launch!

As I launch Hiring Gold, and as I get started on my next product for founders, The Underground Lab, the conversations in my head are beginning to feel less urgent. As things go on, I find it easier to resist the imaginary trip my ego is leading me on.

Does this mean I’ll have less emotional muck to contend with as I get more comfortable with the launch process?

Probably not. After all, you can’t run a meaningful business without actual meaning.

Editor’s note: This is a great cliffhanger! But from my experience, launching definitely gets easier. Thanks, Scott!

This guest post by Scott McDowell, an expert on designing organizations and a 30×500 alum (Summer 2011). His first product, Hiring Gold, is designed to help you hire awesome talent… and not have to learn the (very very) hard way.